Understanding Stress: from Overwhelm to Awareness

Stress is the body’s natural response to challenges, threats or demands.

In short bursts, stress can be helpful.

It can motivate us to meet deadlines, solve problems and react to emergencies. However, when stress continues for long periods of time, with no relief, it can begin to affect our physical and mental health.

And here’s something that most people don’t realise…

For many of us, the stress we experience is not only caused by the situation we are in. It is made worse by the thoughts, stories and interpretations we create in our minds about that situation.

Our body’s stress response was designed to help us survive short-term immediate danger, such as from life-threatening situations. It was built to be temporary, with long periods of recovery and regulation.

However, for most of us the stress we experience is not as a result of life-threatening situations, and many of us live in prolonged stress for hours, days, weeks or even months at a time.

Psychotherapist and bestselling author, Noa Belling, explains that we are not designed to live in stress and survival mode for more than about half an hour at a time.

But, for some of us the stress never fully leaves;

It rises and falls throughout the day like a yo-yo.

For example, you might feel stressed about work. Day after day you are thinking about the emails you haven’t opened, the work deadlines getting closer and the growing pressure of not having enough time to do everything properly.

Even when you are not at work the worry is still there.

Lingering like dark shadows at the back of your mind.

Or perhaps money is the source of your stress?

You wake up worrying about how you’re going to get through the week.

Bills need paying

Food needs buying

And the kids want treats you know you can’t afford right now.

You push through the day as best you can, and then lay awake at night replaying those same worries all over again.

Sometimes stress shows up in our relationships.

You may feel frustrated with your son/daughter and believe they are the cause of your stress; they are making harmful choices, doing nothing with their life, heading down a path you think will end badly. Every phone call, message or conversation with them leaves you emotionally drained and overwhelmed.

The problem is, many of us rarely switch fully out of stress mode; the way we think, feel and respond to a situation keeps us in stress.

Understanding stress begins with recognising that often it is not just the situation that keeps us stressed, but our thoughts, interpretations and reactions to that situation.

Lets go deeper…

The Different Types of Stress:

Not all stress is the same.

Understanding stress involves recognising that different types of stress  affect us in different ways. Some stress is short-lived and can even be helpful, other forms of stress can have a negative impact on our physical health, emotional wellbeing and quality of life.

Understanding the type of stress you are dealing with is the first step toward managing it effectively.

Acute Stress: is short-term stress and it occurs when we experience an immediate challenge, or if we believe we are in danger.

When we experience acute stress our body activates its ‘fight or flight’ response, our heart rate increases and our breathing becomes shallow and quick.

However, once the threat has passed, our body usually settles back down quite quickly.

In small doses, acute stress can be helpful; it can help us stay focused, motivated and prepare us for life’s challenges.

Examples when you might experience acute stress:

• When you are running late for an important meeting or appointment.
• When you need to give a presentation/speech in front of other people.
• When having a confrontation or argument with someone.

Episodic acute stress: is when we experience acute stress on a regular basis, a cycle of stress that can make us feel stuck in unhappy situations.

People who experience episodic acute stress often feel as though they are constantly rushing, worrying, dealing with problems or moving from one stressful situation to another.

Examples when you might experience episodic acute stress:

• Constantly working to tight deadlines.
• Overcommitting by taking on too many responsibilities.
• Living in an environment where there is regular conflict and arguing.

Chronic stress: is long-term stress that continues for weeks, months or even years. With chronic stress the body does not get a chance to reset, and this can significantly impact people’s mental and physical health.

Examples when you might experience chronic stress:

• Caring for someone we love who has significant support needs.
• Living in an unhappy or abusive relationship.
• Experiencing long term financial difficulties.

Trauma-related stress: can arise when a person suffers a deeply distressing or overwhelming experience.

With trauma-related stress, even when the danger has passed, our nervous system can remain on high alert, as a result of intrusive thoughts and memories.

Examples when a person might experience trauma-related stress:

• Experiencing or witnessing violence, serious accidents or life-threatening events.
• Experiencing physical, emotional or sexual abuse.
• Experienced a sudden bereavement.

Causes of Stress:

When it comes to understanding stress, it is important to recognise that feeling stressed can come from many different areas of life, and what feels overwhelming for one person may not affect another person in the same way.

We all have different experiences, coping abilities, triggers and pressures that shape how we respond to situations.

Sometimes a single event can trigger us to feel stressed, other times the stress we feel builds gradually over weeks or months.

Most of the time, stress is not coming from what is happening to us, it comes from the thoughts we have about what is happening to us.

Let’s consider the three examples mentioned earlier: work stress, financial stress, and relationship stress.

Work Stress:

In situations where there are work demands and tight deadlines our thoughts may sound something like this:

“These demands are too much.”
“There’s no way I’m going to clear all these emails.”
“I’m never going to catch up.”

The problem with thoughts like these is that they move us past the original issue of work demands and create additional stressors for the mind and body to respond to.

Thinking something is “too much” can create a sense that we are about to break or lose control. This becomes another layer of stress on top of the workload itself.

Similarly, telling ourselves there is “no way” the emails will get cleared, or that we will “never catch up”, adds another layer of pressure. The stress is no longer about having a lot to do, but also a belief that the situation is impossible, unmanageable or hopeless.

Work may genuinely be demanding.

And this can naturally create stress in the moment.

However, the thoughts and interpretations we attach to those demands can turn short-term stress into long-term distress.

Repeated patterns of hopelessness or catastrophising can keep our sympathetic nervous system in a prolonged state of activation. This can cause feelings of anxiety, overwhelm, emotional exhaustion and, over time, chronic stress.

𓋹 Make a change:

If you are experiencing stress at work, a helpful strategy is to bring your focus back to the specific issues you are facing in that moment, and only that issue.

For example, the problem in that moment might be: “I have more emails than I can realistically get through today.”

Telling yourself “I’ll never catch up,” is the added perception of that problem, not the reality.

Instead focus on what is within your control, for example, you might decide: “By the end of today, I will read and respond to all emails from my manager.”

The key is to separate the actual problem from the story the mind creates about the problem.

By focusing on the specific challenge in front of you, in that moment, and identifying the next manageable step you can take, you reduce the likelihood of adding unnecessary layers of stress and worry to an already demanding situation.

Financial Stress:

Financial stress is often fuelled by thoughts such as:

“I don’t know how I’m going to get through this week.”
“I’m failing my family.”
“I’m never going to get out of this debt!”

Thoughts like these move us beyond the original financial challenge, and create additional stressors for the mind and body.

For example, telling yourself that you are “failing your family” turns a financial difficulty into a negative perception about your worth, competence or value as a person.

The stress is then no longer just about money, it also becomes about who you are, which adds another layer of stress to an already challenging situation.

Financial pressures can naturally create stress. However, the thoughts and interpretations we attach to those pressures can turn short-term financial concerns into ongoing psychological distress.

𓋹 Make a change:

If you notice yourself having thoughts like the ones above, try bringing your focus back to the specific financial challenge you are facing in that moment.

For example, instead of saying “I’m never going to get out of debt,” focus on the reality of the situation: “I have debt that needs managing.”

Then ask yourself:

“What is the next practical step I can take?”

It might be reviewing your budget, contacting a creditor, seeking financial advice, reducing a particular expense or creating a repayment plan.

The goal is not to pretend the problem doesn’t exist.

The goal is to stop adding layers of stress like fear, shame and hopelessness, to an already difficult situation.

Relationship and Family Stress:

Stress connected to family and relationships can sound like:

“They’re ruining their life.”

“Why won’t they listen?”

“They should know how I feel without me having to say it.”

“Why am I always the one making the effort?”

These types of thoughts can feel especially emotional because they involve people we love and care about.

Our relationships shape how we experience life, they provide connection, belonging, support and a sense of safety. So when difficulties arise with our relationships, the stress can be particularly intense and overwhelming.

The causes of relationship stress is often less about what is happening in the moment, and more about the meaning we attach to what is happening.

For example, imagine you are concerned that your son, daughter or partner is drinking too much alcohol.

The reality: they are drinking heavily.

That fact alone will naturally create worry and concern.

However, for many of us our thoughts don’t stop there, the mind quickly begins adding further interpretations:

“They’re ruining their life.”

“They’re heading towards disaster.”

“I’ve failed as a parent.”

Suddenly, the stress is no longer just about their current drinking, it now includes predictions about the future, imagined worst-case scenarios or judgments about yourself as a parent or a partner.

The original problem may be real, but the mind creates additional layers of stress.

The same thing can happen in friendships. Perhaps you always remember your friend’s birthday, check in on them during difficult times and make an effort on special occasions.

Yet when your birthday arrives, nothing!

The reality: they forgot your birthday.

This is hurtful and disappointing.

However, the mind may add further layers:

“They don’t care about me.”

“I’m clearly not important to them.”

“I always put more into this friendship than they do.”

Now the stress is no longer just about a forgotten birthday. It has become a story about your worth and the value of the friendship.

It may be the case that there is an imbalance in the friendship.

It may be true that your child or partner is making unhealthy choices.

Understanding stress is not about pretending problems do not exist or convincing yourself that everything is fine. It is about recognising the difference between the reality of a situation and the additional interpretations, assumptions and predictions that our minds often attach to it.

Let me be clear: I am not saying that work pressure, financial hardship or family struggles are not stressful.

Of course they are.

These situations can leave us feeling worried, upset, frustrated, disappointed and emotionally drained.

But by learning to notice the difference between the facts and the additional stories and interpretations we add, we can reduce the unnecessary layers of stress.

Physical Signs of Stress:

Understanding stress also means learning to recognise how it shows up in the body. Because often stress shows up in the body before we fully recognise it mentally.

Common physical signs of stress include:

These signs are your body’s way of signalling that it may be under strain.

Emotional Signs of Stress:

Stress can significantly affect your mood and emotional wellbeing.

Common emotional signs of stress include:

• Feeling anxious or worried
• Feeling irritable  
• Having mood swings
• Feeling overwhelmed
• Restlessness
• Low motivation
• Difficulty concentrating
• Feeling tearful or emotionally drained

If these emotions become persistent, they can contribute to us becoming depressed.

Behavioural Signs of Stress:

Stress can also influence how you behave and interact with others.

Common behavioural signs of stress can include:

• Avoiding responsibilities
• Procrastination
• Withdrawal from social interactions
• Increased use of alcohol, caffeine or unhealthy foods
• Snapping at others
• Nervous habits such as nail biting

These behaviours may be attempts to cope, even if they don’t address the actual cause of the stress!

Recognising Your Personal Stress Triggers:

An important part of understanding stress is identifying the situations, people and thought patterns that trigger your stress response.

Becoming aware of the triggers can help you respond more effectively to situations, and reduce the stress you experience.

Ask yourself:

• What situations leave me feeling tense or overwhelmed?
• When do I notice physical symptoms such as headaches or poor sleep?
• Which relationships or responsibilities feel particularly draining?
• Are there recurring patterns that increase my stress?

Recognising your personal stress triggers doesn’t mean you can always avoid stressful situations.

Life will give you challenges, demands and unexpected events.

But when you are able to identify your stress triggers, you can prepare for it, respond differently or put strategies in place to reduce its impact.

Final Words:

Stress is a natural part of being human, and there will always be situations that test us, stretch us and sometimes overwhelm us.

The key is learning to recognise what is actually happening and what our minds may be adding to the situation, creating additional layers of stress.

We cannot always control our circumstances, but we can become more aware of our thoughts, interpretations and assumptions that may be intensifying our stress.

Trauma-related stress is different.

When someone has experienced trauma, the nervous system can remain on high alert long after the danger has passed. In these situations, stress is not simply a result of current thoughts or perceptions; it is often connected to the body’s learned response to past experiences. For this reason, trauma-related stress often requires specialist support or treatment.

Remember, understanding stress is not about pretending everything is fine.

It is about understanding how stress operates in your life. Recognising when your mind is adding fear, hopelessness or catastrophic thinking to an already difficult situation, and creating enough awareness so you can choose differently.

Awareness creates choice, and choice creates change.

The more aware you become of your stress triggers, thought patterns and responses, the better equipped you will be to protect your wellbeing.

Stress may always be part of life, but with greater understanding and awareness, it doesn’t have to control it.

Salute to the Sources:

Main photo, by Photo by Ketut Subiyanto, on Pexels.

Image, I Think I think Too Much, Photo by Meral Avdanlı on Unsplash

Thanks to psychotherapist and bestselling author Noa Belling, whose book The Happiness Workout has informed and inspired parts of this article.

Photo, man crying, RDNE Stock project, on Pexels.

Photo, financial planning, Pavel Danilyuk, on Pexels

Photo, woman with headache, by AI25.Studio AI GENERATIVE, on Pexels